One time my mother said, “You know, you fall in love with your friends,” and it really pissed me off. It does not appear to be an offensive statement. However, it was the nature in which she meant it, insinuating that my love for my friends sometimes became a hindrance to me. My mother continued by explaining that I become enveloped and sucked into the lives of friends to the extent that it affected me personally. I was pissed because I felt that she was wrong. Of course I knew how and when to separate myself. But, as I’ve often had to learn the hard way, mother know best.
One of my greatest weaknesses used to be my love for people. You ask yourself, how can that be a weakness? We are supposed to love, but for me it was a journey or should I say a battle. I used to be friends with an energetic, loyal, supportive, and overall fun girl. For the sake of this story we’ll call her Charlie. When we became friends Charlie was someone I was confident would remain one of the staple girlfriends in my life. And for awhile it was like that, even though we were different from one another there was such an exciting energy around us.
As we got older and closer I began to experience a different side of Charlie. I was introduced to an insecure side of her that made jabs at me here and there about my life, appearance, and personality. I also found out that her shopping obsession was a need to have material things distract her from what was making her unhappy in real life. I’m very invested in the spiritual, mental, and emotional well being of my friends and family, so naturally all I wanted to do was help. For Charlie, I was more than willing to offer an ear to listen, encouraging words, prayer, and advice where I could.
We had become so close that her mood started to affect mine. It was hard for me to be light hearted or happy when she was around. I heard Les Brown say, “There are some people who are so negative they can walk into a dark room and develop.” It reminded me of all the different ways I wanted to help or suggested solutions to help Charlie. But, she was anti, comfortable in her negativity almost as if she invited it in her space. I can clearly recall how she sucked the life out of a birthday celebration, a new experience, and moments that were supposed to be enjoyable.
As her true self continued to surface it became harder and harder to communicate with her. Our friendship no longer knew fun, depth, laughter, or anything that did not focus on what was wrong with life. The dark cloud she had created for herself somehow began to follow me around. I had stopped being myself at some point. I became withdrawn, heavy, and dark just by being friends with Charlie. Too often people neglect to realize the most powerful thing about someone is their spirit. It dictates the energy they give off, what they pour into themselves, others, and so much more.
After cleansing myself of Charlie and the friendship from my life, hindsight became 20/20. I was able to pinpoint the road to being heavy spirited. I saw how our friendship drained me. Since then, I choose who I spend my time with and share my life with more wisely. My peace of mind is a top priority on my list.
Ironically, I came across a poster that stated , ‘Some people need to be loved from afar.’ I always hated the idea of deserting a friend or not being there. However, I learned the consequence of sacrificing my own peace of mind for others who are not even concerned about it, or theirs for that matter. Choosing to walk away is not abandonment. There is strength in discerning what battle is yours to conquer. Learning to choose peace of mind is choosing yourself and your sanity. Knowing and exercising that there is an option to love someone from afar has been one of the of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in my life.
